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A few days ago, I was hanging out with a good friend of mine in the basement/rec room of his house. We were just chillin, playing some games, chattin it up. Nothing crazy.
I did, however, find out a lot of things that I found to be rather crazy, and these things upset Micah and myself. You see, Micah and I were not alone, there were two others, and we had some interesting discussions. Of all the things we learned that afternoon, none of them were any of anyone else's business, but I heard what I heard, and now I know what I know. Of course, I joked around with them a little to comfort myself, but I can't seem to blow it off.
And this got me thinking. I found out that even thought many people spent a weekend focusing on change and praying and being prayed for, none of them really did. Some people confessed, many opened up, and all of us expressed the desire to change our lives.
The following weekend, Micah and myself led a bible study that went fairly smooth, compelling Doug, our youth pastor, to scrap the lesson for the next Sunday morning and have us lead it instead. We talked once again about change. We wanted to capitalize it, and remind them so that they don't become, as Micah put it, a flash bang. It seems to me that many people will be flash bangs.
No one cares anymore. No one is willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make changes and live a more Godly life. What makes this even worse is the fact that these people are few out of many other people in the world who are the exact same way. It seems to me that Christian has joined the ranks along side 'punk' or 'jock' or 'prep', as a label. One that children wear proudly.
People are picking and choosing what to follow and what not to. One of the other boys that was with us said, when discussing abstinence "yeah, I really don't go along with that".
What do Christians choose to listen to these days, then? Themselves. While they rant about homosexual marriage and how it is wrong and thier God won't allow it, they are having unmarried sex with a girlfriend, or alcohol-fueled sex with someone who's name they don't even know. Because it is much easier for them to not be gay than it is to control thier sexual desires.
And because of all this, I have lost faith. Not in God, but the will-power of Christians. Of course there are many exceptions, but these many are few when you begin to ponder what the entire 'Christian' population may be like. I am far from perfect, and anyone who knows me can tell you that. I am definately no better than anyone. I make many many stupid mistakes, and have many imperfections that I need to change. But the effort is key. And I struggle a lot.
If you ask one 'Christian' about his partying habits, he will say 'what's wrong with that?'. He is not willing to give it up. Ask him about his cursing, he may laugh and say 'f*** you!'.
If you ask me about my constant swearing and my excessive jealousy towards certain people, I will tell you that I know it is wrong, and I struggle with it every single day. I try to think before I drop that f-word, and I try to push the jealous hate out of my heart. I am trying to make changes, and thank God I know I am not the only one. It is a process that I have found to work well in a step- by- step process, which is far better then a no-step process. And I need tons of people to help keep me accountable and pray for me, just like I pray for many people, including myself for my own struggles. I have done many stupid things in the past that I will never do again, hopefully.

When I talk to someone who goes on a retreat like this, and they are back to the same thing, it kind of bothers me. Must I be the only one who struggles? Or should I just give up and give in? No, thanks!
I almost feel like a hypocrite for posting this. Maybe I am.