NASCAR: Head Contributor to World Destruction, Brick-Layer of the absent-minded redneck lifestyle

Man, To think that back in my day I was a fan of NASCAR. That's right, folks. Between the ages of eight and twelve, I, THE Jay, was a fan of the single most asinine sporting event in history. Yeah, #24, Jeff Gordon. That was my boy. But Lately, I've got beef with the sport, and here's why.




Look at that crap! Do you know how many of these things are wasted during a NASCAR event? When last I checked, there are 43 partakers in these events, and often times they travel up to 500 miles to complete the AMAZING feat of driving in circles faster than their competitors. If my math is correct, that is a total of 21500 miles driven. Drill in ANWAR? Well, we wouldn't friggin have to if these rednecks would find something productive to do, like put some nice siding up on their friggin' trailers. Here is the answer to the fuel crisis, my friends. What makes it worse is the fact that the nerf-hurder that fills up the cars during a stop spills a bunch of the crap all over the place.



Holy freaking crap. I almost puked up my intestines when I saw this picture! Honestly. Unfortunately, this is a bulk of the retardedness I see on the net and on Television when I try to muscle through a race with my father. Not so much when enjoying the NFL or some college football. Of course, there are the drunken queers and people that paint themselves, but THIS? Come ON! He probably used duct tape.




Oh man! This circular track just BREEDS excitement! And the mere thought of 43 cars going AROUND that bad boy hundreds of times just makes me soil myself! Wait, how many times have I heard a NASCAR fan say that this sport involves skill? Countless times, which must be why you stick them all in a round track and make them to the same repititive shaithe for 5 hours. Man, turning right must be a HEART ATTACK for these fecking red-necks. Lets put them on THIS badboy:


YEAH! Not so bad now, are ya?

Come on. How do you endure this mundane crap, and enjoy it? Maybe there's something there that I just don't understand. I remember the depressing weekends where I was somehow enthused by all this.


*Disclaimer: I recognize that not all fans of NASCAR are niether red-necked nor mongoloid, but let's face it. Non-mongoloid people do mongoloid things.