Ridiculous Metal Pics: Part One: Black Metal Edition

Well hello, for all two of you that read our blog! I have decided to start, yet again, a series. I am going to post some ridiculous photos of metal bands, both live and promotional, on this site. I decided to do this because I have seen many a heavy metal pic, and due to the magnitude of the music these men [sometimes women] play, the faces they make are RIDICULOUS! The first part of the series is going to be the Black Metal edition, because let's face it, these guys need to get their crap together! I also want you to know that I will not place bands in these posts based on how much I like them, but how retarded the pictures are. Now here it is, the first post [and only one for a while, one blog can only hold so much metal without getting stupid].



Immortal- Abbath and Horgh
Wow! For such dark, evil, and fearless agents of Satan, you guys sure do look dismayed! It looks like Abbath is caught in oncoming traffic, and just can't move! The sheer amazement of the truck headed his way has frozen him in fear. Horgh, unable to help his friend and brother in Satan, can only watch and scream 'ABBAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!' Well, looks like it's time for Horgh to move on and start a solo project. It worked for Burzum, right?


Rob Darken of Graveland
What the heck is this?! BOW DOWN TO ROB DARKEN, MASTER OF LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAY! Honestly, you'd think this guy was geared up to go on a quest to cast out THE ONE RIIIIIIIING. Nice freaking Jack Sparrow boots, by the way! Can you imagine this turd burglar waking up in the morning to put all that crap on? The mere thought of him even giving it THOUGHT is inconceivable.


Dimmu Borgir- An Earlier Line-up.
First, I wanted to let you know that I actually like Dimmu, they aren't half as retarded as a majority of the black metal scene or their absent-minded fans. Also, this is not their current line-up. The only men[?] in this photo that are still in the band are vocalist Shagrath [front and center] and pianist/keyboarder Mustis [second from left], and MY, MY do they look sexy! These amazing Calvin Klein model cum Black Metalers have cooked up an AMAZING combination of sexyness, style, and Satan! And I don't know who that guy on the far right is, but he's lookin' at Shagrath like he wants a piece of that leather-clad booty!


Cradle of Filth [if you call it black metal] live with stage performer.

Do I even need to say anything about this one?!!?!!?!!?



Moving on.....



Burzum- The Solo black metal project
Cover your buttholes tonight, folks! If you don't, that D&D mace is goin right up in there! Honestly, why would you promote your evil black music as an epic quester of the medieval era? And look at the SIZE of those freaking gauntlets! Looks like he'll be slaying dragons with that LVL 32 club of his, protected by his LVL45 breast plate[with 65 DEF points]! Man, I'll bet he can't wait 'til the boys in Dimmu come over to his mom's basement for a little 'role play' activity. It's no wonder your vocals suck, you've been suckin down all those..... hot dogs.

Did you know this retard was convicted of murder? Here's the Mongoloid in custody:


That wolf's been CAGED! Thank God.


Well, hope you enjoyed. I will dust off this series eventually, but I have decided to shift the focus of my posts. And for the record, I do not condone satanism in any way.